What can you come up with?

[revdav]

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.
 
The winners are:
 
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.),a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
 
The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
 
Here are this year's winners:
 
1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
6.. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running  late.
7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
 

[Peter Cooper]

opunning: David, Ian and me taking the opprtunity whenever it arises.

[Terry Lawton]

David get a life.... if you've got time to write all that rubbish out above you would have had time to come through the snow to our meeting off the M27

[revdav]

I didn't write it out Terry, ever heard of cut and paste.  Couldn't have come yesterday even if I had been free. This part of Kent finally got the blizzards everyone else has had. It would have taken three hours in good conditions.

[Peter Cooper]

Punnishment - being forced to read posts by David, Ian and myself.

Opun - request from Peter to Ian

Perpundicular - falling about laughing at posts from David, Ian and myself.

Terribull - a reproach from terry Lawton for writing this rubbish.

[Matt Pritchard]

Humour -

[Barry]

Me thinks we should have an oubliette on the forum

[ianhutch]

Me thinks we should have an oubliette on the forum

I forget what that is!

[revdav]

A " bucket and chuck it" round the back with a powerful flush

[Terry Lawton]

Bucket and chuck it? takes me back to sailing in the Aegean Sea it 's a term used for anchoring in a deep harbour.

[ianhutch]

It's actually a dungeon you get lowered into & basically forgotten—hence oubliette from oublier: to forget in French.

[revdav]

Not much difference if you've seen the "lang drap" in a scottish castle

[Graham Ransom]

A few of my own and some more courtesy of a book I got for Christmas

Abundance    - A hoe down with food in a farm building
Appointment - cream for sick Ipod programmes
Boycott         - Somewhere to keep male babies
Deliberate      -  To send back to prison
Factory          - A set of encyclopaedias
Fine              - A tax for doing wrong
Tax              -  A fine for doing right
Fortune        -  A singing quartet

And my personal favourite
Laugh -  A smile that burst

[ianhutch]

I always want to say 'spice' as the plural of 'spouse', but we all know the penalty for bigamy is 2 mothers-in-law.